Another year goes by –
slowly, gradually, and
surely our love moves
into the deeper realm
of togetherness – our
tones blending in
Another year goes by –
In writing a memoir, there must be no recrimination, no sense of censorship. The intent must remain uncompromised. What is required more than story-telling and talent is the ability to trust in our mission. In an honest memoir, we must speak our own truth. That is what will allow us to convey the sacred and powerful actions that form our journey.
Writers can benefit from reading the great memoirists before attempting to write from an honest, revealing, truthful perspective It takes strength and courage to produce a memoir that truly reflects all the heart feels.
Writing our sacred truths is the best way to honor the life we’ve been given.
At the Crossroads … The Choice
by Marie-Eve Kielson
When it comes to understanding the human condition, the role of love and its power, most of us are unfortunately left a bit perplexed and unknowing. We desire to be loved yet our choices often direct us in the opposite direction.
In everyone’s life there comes a time when a monumental decision is made that will, effectively, alter the manner in which the journey will either be propelled forward, remain stagnant, or be forced into the comfort and familiarity of the past.
The past, unfortunately, has an uncanny ability to win out and rule any possibility for change. It, all too often, becomes the catalyst affecting our lives in a way in which we are unaware.
It has been my experience over many years of hearing stories of lost love and painful solitude that has offered me an opportunity to look more closely at the decisions we make in the service of our own happiness, yet are overwhelmed when they seem to disappear, all too frequently, without our full understanding.
So, what happens along the way? What happens to two human beings who made a decision that now seems to no longer fit into their world as they imagined it could and would? Why does this love no longer feel the same? What changed that was so unexpected?
To download the full article, please click here: “At the Crossroads,” a free article by Marie Eve Kielson (6 pages)
In my role as marriage and family therapist, I encourage every single one of my clients to learn ways in which they must respect the journey they have chosen.
It is always easy to denigrate all of the parts that seem negative, things we did that we now regret, people we hurt and the wounds we inflicted.
It is not easy for them to do what I recommend for they have been “programmed” in other ways.
Respecting the journey does not suggest that we dismiss our foibles. Respecting the journey does not mean treating past negative decisions and choices as if they were not instrumental in causing pain and disruption to ourselves as well as to others.
We all want things that are not always good for us. We are complicated and yet often simplistic about who we claim to be, what we want to accomplish, and where we feel we will most likely be successful in our personal lives as well as the professional world we aspire to experience.
We repeat family of origin pitfalls and often go to the opposite end of the continuum in our search for meaning. We become confused and impatient when results are not forthcoming, when we are forced to move slowly, when, in reality, we want to race forward.
We swear that we will not repeat the models that have led us astray and we proceed to do just that. We wonder why life has to be so difficult.
We are children and adults at the same time and become resentful when we are not understood.
We strive for independence at any cost, yet yearn to be taken care of.
We seek perfection and are angered at our inability to reach it.
We are confused about our pain and embarrassed by our humanness.
We hate what we refer to as our “weaknesses” and work to erode what has brought us our uniqueness.
Our love of solitude turns into a critical perspective and labeled as “unsociable.”
We become confused about our intentions and despise our hesitations.
We want to feel needed at any cost and are often too willing to negate what we need in our own lives. We ride the roller coaster of life surprised that we have left aside our purpose, our dreams, our yearnings.
We keep busy beyond reasonable expectations, for stillness disturbs us.
And as the years pass, the journey proceeds in spite of our inclinations to want others to be in charge of the paths, rather than taking the risk to make our own choices, choices that really must be ours alone. We resent their intrusions, yet have allowed their presence to rule, in spite of ourselves.
- We know the truth yet all too often accept the lies and deceits we find all too comfortable, for the thought of change is paralyzing.
- How do we begin to honor and respect a journey in the making? How do we make choices that empower rather than those that handicap the process?
- What are we willing to change in order to create the life we claim is important?
- How determined are we to walk away from what destroys our ability to be free, to breathe life and to fill our lungs with joy and harmony?
- At what point on our journey will we finally acknowledge our courage and determination to have met life head on and changed the course of our destiny?
Lessons are available for the learning. As the learning is respected so will we be there available to grow and develop the creative energy that will propel us forward. For some of us it may take a lifetime to set ourselves free. For others it may take much less time to change what no longer encourages the best part of us to flourish.
Learning and accepting the lessons that bring us to our destiny will bring us the greatest rewards.
Learning and accepting the lessons yet to be realized is part of the journey of life.
It will never be about good and bad. It will always be about the risks we are willing to take, the risks that show us a way forward allowing for the mystery of our lives to be discovered. May we rejoice in the process. May we respect our strengths and our tenaciousness.
And may we continue to look into that mirror of life and thank ourselves for being brave and steadfast in our never-ending faith that we will, indeed, complete the unfinished business that has kept us captive, and that has restricted us from the ability to embrace the amazing life that lies before us.
What to do?
The energy, once so seductive, so fulfilling is dissipating little by little each day.
What to do?
The partner once thought to be part of our life forever is now moving further and further away from the very existence once thought to be so sacred.
What to do?
Why is it that we fight so hard to hold on to a relationship that is showing us, in every way, that we must learn to release what no longer belongs to us? Why are we holding on so tenaciously?
In spite of the therapy that seemed to promise hopefulness and an ever so brief belief that change would be possible, disconnection would not elude us. Why would we not heed what became so evident and clear?
How do we say goodbye to someone we have loved so deeply?
How do we begin to fortify ourselves knowing that the journey forward will demand that we travel alone?
How do we reconcile that there will be moments of great sadness when the wounded heart will cry itself to sleep?
Even experienced marriage and family therapists have difficulty fully accepting that there exists the law of impermanence. Even knowledgeable clinicians are baffled when they learn that the couples they are attempting to help find divorce so much more appealing, even after 26 years of creating a history together.
For some, a lasting relationship may not exist or even be meant to exist past its moment of timeliness.
Even a love that began in all of its beauty, may be forced to create new paths, not necessarily more satisfying ones, upon which each person will now travel.
And so there will exist the momentary questions that seem impossible to answer, for they often appear insurmountable.
There are new and challenging lessons awaiting to be learned. Will we learn them?
There are resources within each of us to help us in our pain. Will we turn to them?
The past will offer us the direction needed to honor the present. Will we avail ourselves of this knowledge?
Will we have the courage to change what no longer serves us, no matter what it demands in the process?
At some point in our lives we will all be faced with the question of how to handle a relationship – friend, partner, lover – when it becomes evident that it demands being released.
Will we be prepared?
Will we know how to proceed with respect and dignity?
Will we turn to our amazing inner resources as we choose the new paths awaiting us?
Marie-Eve S. Kielson
Marriage and Family Therapist
When was the last time you sat across from that “special someone” and declared, “Wow, look at us, still together and still happy after all these years?”
When was the last time you looked into the eyes of the partner you have chosen and spoke of the vital significance it has had in your life?
When was the last time you reiterated just how important their respect and caring have been in contributing to your success, to your well-being, to your sense of joy and harmony?
When did you last stop to think of all of the ways in which your life would have crumbled, been left arid and parched without the partner who has declared the love you now enjoy, the love that is not like any other?
To maintain a meaningful relationship of any kind, especially a long-lasting one, deserves celebrating what it takes to do so.
Looking back on a long walk into the world of love that has offered mystery, magic, adventure and tremendous stability, it becomes so clear as to what is required to celebrate a successful union.
Never stop saying, “Please” and “Thank you” for the small, medium and large favors that are everyday gifts.
Never stop encouraging the dreams of another even if they are of a foreign nature to you.
Never allow competition and comparisons to alter the gift of individuality.
Never forget to praise the differences for they amplify the essence of the partnership.
Never try to become one and the same in order to please which may serve only to sacrifice what need not be sacrificed.
Never let a day go by without the declaration of “I love you” for it is the manna that nourishes the soul.
Never take for granted all of the gifts that have become yours as a result of the bonds that have kept you united.
Never allow the toxicity of anger and resentment to be left unattended.
Never allow yourself to forget why you have been brought together even if that time is relatively short in the scheme of things.
And last but never least, never stop the embraces, the touch, the unspoken words of endearment, the declarations that serve as the reminders that without love, respect, trust and tenderness we would certainly die a little bit each day … and how tragic that would truly be.
Marie-Eve S. Kielson
Marriage and Family Therapist
I just received a wonderful compliment about my writing in the Reflection book. What a relief!
Although I have been published many times in business periodicals, the Reflection writing was new and “scary” for me. It was personal, intimate and showed a side of me that is usually not shared. But I have come to realize over a period of 48 years of marriage, that a caring and loving relationship requires just that – a sharing of profound intimacy, even to the point of being vulnerable. And I’ve also come to realize that to share you must have something of yourself, something unique to share. That reaffirms for me the belief that one must continue to grow as an individual if a partnership in love is to grow. And that is the wonder of a loving relationship.
I can hardly believe that my husband of 48 years and I have taken our world to brand new heights! We have published a book together, one that honors the gift of love and respects all that is required to maintain it.
I should have known, right then and there that this man, one who offers me a most beautiful book, The Family of Man, a photography book, on our first date, a “blind” one at that, and the simple and gentle kiss goodnight that accompanied a marvelous picnic in the beauty of nature, waterfall and all, that something quite extraordinary was about to take place.
To all who question the power of the intuition, please reconsider! Without listening to that unique voice that urged me forward on Friday July 26, 1963, I would have missed the greatest moment of my life … an introduction to the power of love and its ability to heal a wounded heart.
Our new publication. Reflection: A Long Walk into the World of Love is a tribute to love and is a natural outcome of what has come before, and all that will serve as a legacy to those who are to follow.
Part One is written as a magical fairy tale. What better vehicle to accomplish this endeavor than reverting to my childhood and unearthing the love of the precious fairy tales that had offered so much solace during very troubled times.
The fairy tales had become a constant reminder of the life I yearned to experience. These special stories, the happy endings, and the growing love between a prince and princess became what I so deeply wished could belong to me.
Parts Two and Three are filled with the surprising poetry and glorious photographs of Daniel C. Kielson, and his own personal reflection on the the mysteries and magic of nature that have given him the depth of understanding to be able to express his love every day.
Our site will also introduce you to the services offered by Marie-Eve S. Kielson to assist writers in project editing, manuscript critique, and ghostwriting. Often, our desires to write flood the mind so quickly that we automatically employ a censor to slow us down. Ms. Kielson’s techniques to help writers allow the free flow of thoughts to produce the desired result, for uncensored creativity.
Ms. Kielson’s prior book, Messengers: The Courage to Rebel, The Power to Inspire, is an example of the writing process when given a chance to explore the past and find lasting meaning in life’s events.