What happens in that moment when we realize that the most important person in our life is someone who is letting us know that they are no longer satisfied with what we have to offer?
What to do?
The energy, once so seductive, so fulfilling is dissipating little by little each day.
What to do?
The partner once thought to be part of our life forever is now moving further and further away from the very existence once thought to be so sacred.
What to do?
Why is it that we fight so hard to hold on to a relationship that is showing us, in every way, that we must learn to release what no longer belongs to us? Why are we holding on so tenaciously?
In spite of the therapy that seemed to promise hopefulness and an ever so brief belief that change would be possible, disconnection would not elude us. Why would we not heed what became so evident and clear?
How do we say goodbye to someone we have loved so deeply?
How do we begin to fortify ourselves knowing that the journey forward will demand that we travel alone?
How do we reconcile that there will be moments of great sadness when the wounded heart will cry itself to sleep?
Even experienced marriage and family therapists have difficulty fully accepting that there exists the law of impermanence. Even knowledgeable clinicians are baffled when they learn that the couples they are attempting to help find divorce so much more appealing, even after 26 years of creating a history together.
For some, a lasting relationship may not exist or even be meant to exist past its moment of timeliness.
Even a love that began in all of its beauty, may be forced to create new paths, not necessarily more satisfying ones, upon which each person will now travel.
And so there will exist the momentary questions that seem impossible to answer, for they often appear insurmountable.
There are new and challenging lessons awaiting to be learned. Will we learn them?
There are resources within each of us to help us in our pain. Will we turn to them?
The past will offer us the direction needed to honor the present. Will we avail ourselves of this knowledge?
Will we have the courage to change what no longer serves us, no matter what it demands in the process?
At some point in our lives we will all be faced with the question of how to handle a relationship – friend, partner, lover – when it becomes evident that it demands being released.
Will we be prepared?
Will we know how to proceed with respect and dignity?
Will we turn to our amazing inner resources as we choose the new paths awaiting us?
Marie-Eve S. Kielson
Marriage and Family Therapist
